the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize