did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
