I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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