I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
