I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
