Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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