i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
