Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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