the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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