i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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