So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
