I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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