You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize