oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We need to get me chipped asap
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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