If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
