this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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