We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am naked and annoyed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
