I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
