someone owes me an orgasm
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
