East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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