does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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