You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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