i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
