I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
