I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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