why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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