I am puke
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
