I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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