I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
