She is in my trunk
Small penises have feelings too.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize