Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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