Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
