Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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