Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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