im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
