Where did you get a picture of my penis
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
