yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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