A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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