I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
