my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
