At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
