Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
