His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
