When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
