Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
