My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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