R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
