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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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