Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
