i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
