mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
