I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
