I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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