The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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