I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize