I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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