Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
