My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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