pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize