I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
