Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
