Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
