We won't sleep together?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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