i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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