she was so not down for the gang bang
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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