My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
