i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
