So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
