Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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