some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize