their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
