I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
