i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Two words: nipple clamps
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