There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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