ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
