Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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