Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
