so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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