Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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