I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
