I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
