i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize