Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
