She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
