I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
