um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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