I need help removing her.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize