No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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