I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
