people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
