I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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