So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
