at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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