Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
