According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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