$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize