I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
