one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
