don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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