i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
