More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
