i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
