You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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