I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
